So much. Not enough time.

In fact, I’m in the middle of lesson planning for this week, and I really should get some sleep.

I’ve cried and yelled and nearly given up several times this year. Something is keeping me going, though…

And it’s not all bad – I love my students. I enjoy teaching a lot of the curriculum. But there is so much crap that has to be done. So much planning. So much bullshit that doesn’t matter. So much paperwork. So much ass kissing. So much… and not enough time, energy, or reward to make it all worth it.

Yet, somehow the net gain is positive. Somehow I keep getting up every day and going in. I keep smiling at my students and telling them how amazing they are. I keep planning. I keep grading. I just keep on going… I try to hang on to the positive and learn from the negative, and I just keep pushing myself to get through this year. Next year will be easier.

It seems that what attracts people to this blog continues to be the post I made concerning the sexualization of young girls. The search terms are sometimes alarming, really. I suppose I should make another controversial post to attract a new crowd of weirdos. I do want to post more often, but it’s really hard to fit everything in. Maybe I should try to make a regular schedule… where I post once a week or something. We’ll see.

I just have so much to share – so many ideas, so many successes, and so many failures. I have questions, too. Everyone with any sense knows teaching is hard work, but nothing can fully prepare you for it. Nothing. *whew*

179 to go.

Holy shit!

(Too tired to talk about it now, but there will be more substantial updating this week.)

Several parents expressed gratitude at my attempts to speak Spanish with them, and I want to work on my Spanish. There is a program offered in my district that involves taking a Spanish class once per week and going to Guatemala during the summer, and it’s completely free to teachers. I’d really like to get into it, but I’m not sure if I’m too late.

Things are a bit stressful at this moment – I have to write up lesson plans for the week to turn in on Monday morning… it’s not really that different from requirements I had during student teaching – in fact, the required plans are far less detailed than what I’m used to. That being said, I’m a little lost as to how to start things off. One of the other third grade teachers emailed me her plans from last year’s first two weeks of school, so I will look over those for guidance.

You know, even though my name is on the door and I’ve spent a week preparing my classroom, it still doesn’t feel like “mine”. I know this will change as time goes on, but I’m so used to working with other people’s students, I’m not sure how having my own class is supposed to feel.

My room was completely empty when I came in… I had nothing except a teacher desk, a kidney table, some chairs, two bookshelves, an overhead, and computers. I don’t have any textbooks. No library. No student desks. No crayons, paper, markers… nothing. I couldn’t move any of the furniture, yet, either – AND we don’t get our keys until tomorrow.

Stress city.

I swept out a cabinet and feebly started putting my personal teacher materials in it. I really had no idea where to start. I still don’t.

I have a sad stack of books, most of which are probably too low-level for my third graders (I student taught 1st grade, so I have LOTS of picture books). I was given construction paper and some supplies when I left student teaching, but not nearly enough. Not even close.

So, I did what all teachers do – I went shopping. I have no idea if I’ll get reimbursed or for how much, but I just HAD to buy SOMETHING. The first day of school is in a week, and my walls are completely bare – I needed a calendar, Star of the Week stuff… I’m going to spend today making “welcome” decorations for Open House (Thursday!). I’m broke. I’m tired. I’m not sure how it’s going to come together.

But I know it will. I know it will all work itself out… I bought crayons, markers, colored pencils, nametags, posters, a calendar, borders, and office supplies. And the wonder folks at Staples are having WONDERFUL sales for Back to School, including free supplies with an increased limited quantity for teachers. I was able to get 25 bottles of glue, 25 plastic rulers, and 25 packs of pencils (200 altogether) – all for FREE. I’m not being paid to say this, and I’m not one for brand loyalty, but Staples is saving my ass right now.

Tomorrow I’m going in to school early. Really early. I have to – I won’t be able to calm down until my room looks like a third grade classroom and not a cavernous storage space.

You know what, though? I’m so excited that it actually overshadows the stress. Here’s to a great year!

So much to do, so little time!